issue#3

OUT NOW

Prescilla

Things are different for me too. I haven't been sleeping to well I wake up at 6am with a strange fear, that I can't quite place my finger on. I've given up on smoking it's only been two days, but I've been running every morning to exercise my demons. My hamsters getting fatter and I think she maybe pregnant. The fatter the anything the better, well....not prostitutes. I call her Prescilla. It's not her name, but it fits.


I am still dramatic as ever; on my runs I close my eyes and hope I'm hit by something big and heavy. It must be those guardian angels I keep finding, because I'm still alive.

Some times I think I'd like to keep running. But I can't.

I keep waiting for something to make me smile like he did and so far things just keep fucking up. Sometimes I think I don't deserve this, sometimes I think because I think that I do. There must be someone watching me. I can't predict everything, but everything seems somehow mapped out so that when I come across it, I'm not surprised. So surprise me.

Alas in 2010

Where do I start?

Well, issue 2 was so successful, we got almost 300 copies printed and they are still being distributed, they have gotten as far as Canada and even India!
This year is all about being BIGGER and BETTER,
we have a website being built by Joanne Middleton and have also taken on some distribution help in cities such as, Sunderland, Newcastle, Leeds, Manchester, Loughborough and Toronto.
We've got a marketing manager helping us to understand the business side of running a fanzine and we've got a smile that cant be ignored!

Thanks for the support guys keep spreading the word

Alas

x

dreamer

i half fell asleep today skinny, you know just drifting. I was walking in the rain; little black dress heels, and a short cape, i swear i saw you. i could have sworn it. in the corner near the lampost in that stripey jumper, hood up.i dreamt you pulled me close and held my leg and said, " let me look at all the things i like about you" and then you kissed my kneecaps, inspected my hands and the tiny freckles on my chest. brushed my hair awy from my face, "i love how theres so much of it" and most importantly, it was okay, because we were okay, you were okay and I was okay.

want want what i want what i need want some more never get what i want

But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger. I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.

yesterday i saw a place called pavilion of forgotten desires and accompanying clouds. i think you have spent too long in this place, in your head. it is time to leave. maybe make your way through the gate of dispelling clouds, and visit the hall of embracing the universe. these are all in the summer palace, i think you would like it there. put it on your list, right next to "everywhere"

Je Taime

fa·tal·ism (ftl-zm)



n.


1. The doctrine that all events are predetermined by fate and are therefore unalterable.


2. Acceptance of the belief that all events are predetermined and inevitable.

alas, i cannot swim - a work in progress for issue#2

I waited all my life for you.


You would have never gotten away with it anyway, lover.
Because down there, in that well, where there is no light but only thousand year old water, a man has no reason to make mistakes.
Aw lover! You should have seen it!
When you fell,
They trekked from all over the world
Just trying to say something
But then,
Those clippers came
And those people,
They drowned
And the scaffolding,
It came falling down.

I imagine it was almost the end of a dimension,
Like stepping off the edge of a cliff but walking on water,
There is air,
But – your heart it doesn’t beat and you are not there

Then the conquests came
And the noise, it died down
The bodies floated away, oh how the hope bled out



And I never heard a single thing about it.